Sitting here starring at a blank page, dying to write something but nothing comes to mind. During the day I think of everything I want to write about - school, boys, love, and my sappy feelings and sickness - but when it actually comes time to sit down and type it out, I'm speechless. Am I a boring teenage girl with nothing to talk about but how I feel? Maybe. But hey, its my blog.
"I'll never fall in love, I'm too careful
Broken hearts, we're too young to settle in"
After the other night, I have yet to put down Air Dubai's CDs and have found myself attached to their lyrics. I know I know, I'm only a senior in high school, how can I say that I'll never get married? And I pray to God that some day I will, but right now I find myself to be incapable of dating. Yeah yeah, woe as me, and be ready because I am here to complain and be upset with my love life right now. I've had a boyfriend, one real boyfriend, and man was it the most unhealthy relationship. I mean, on my behalf I was awe struck with the fact that a guy (other than my dad) told me I was pretty and so I was hooked. Never again will I let myself become so attached to a guy, and maybe that is what causes me to freak out when I like someone. I never want to feel the way I did before, so helpless and powerless. Out of all the things I have done in my life, I know I am a strong and independent girl, so how do I balance that with a boy? And the answer is, I don't. I want someone to pull me in a kiss me like that's all they have on their mind, and tell me I'm beautiful but let's be honest, that only happens in movies, and my life is far from a movie. And who wants to be serious with a girl who is moving across the country in 6 months? No one, and I can't blame them. I don't want to become attached to anyone because I would want nothing more than to take them to California with me. I know that out there I will meet someone better than probably anyone I could meet here because they would be more accepting of the life I live. So many people here can't wrap their minds around someone being a Vegetarian, or being into meditation and spiritual hearings, and that is pretty much my life. All I want is to sit at home and watch movies, do whatever we want whenever and all the guys want to go to parties and introduce you to everyone but honestly, before you can meet all the friends you have to create a solid relationship so that no one can rock the boat other than y'all, but people don't seem to understand that here. High school relationships can just be such a joke, with everyone in your business and speaking their mind about what you should do, that is NOT a relationship.
Anyway, it is late (or at least for me), and Bruce Almighty is almost over so I would say it's time for bed.
xoxo
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