All over

So today was my last day ever of high school and sweet baby jesus I am so done! I've been thinking back over the past couple of years and everything that has molded me into who I am today and honestly don't regret things I have done, but wish I did let myself go a little more often. I guess the few times that I did let my hair down things went wrong, and so it made me feel as though I can't be that type of girl. This summer will be different though; I want to experience new things and maybe go a little out of my comfort zone sometimes. It has to be good for the soul to branch out, right? Even if I make some rather risky choices, they will be good learning experiences so that I can have myself under control in college. I don't want another boring summer, I have plenty of those under my belt. I just need to keep myself busy and do things that are actually fun instead of sitting at home all day every day eating more than my body can handle. I will spend some time reading in my eno and hanging out with the people that make my soul happy before going out to California. 

Here's to a crazy fun filled summer

xx

So, I've Committed

This is it! I have committed to Sonoma State University in Nor Cal. I could not be more excited about making the beautiful wine country my new home! I am paying my dues today and will hopefully get my housing contract on Friday so that I can get a place that I like. I am very nervous about possible roommates being kind of weird but Sonoma is no Georgia Southern so hopefully most of the people that go there will be down to earth and laid back. As long as I have a place with my own room and bathroom though, I will be A OK. 

I have to make my way back to the lady doctor for a lower abdominal ultrasound... I am so excited (said no one ever). The good news is that I hopefully don't work at all this week and I can actually rest and stay off my feet, except when I am working out. I leave for California super soon and I am going to color my hair lighter, visit Sonoma, and see an old friend or two. Time off is exactly what I need right now after so much school work and work work. My 8 hour shift Saturday absolutely killed me, but I am recovering other than the fact that I am completely not reacting to my birth control.

For now I am watching Bates Motel and I am telling you now it is rather f'ed up. It is rather mind boggling and makes you feel super weird about things yet here I am like 4 episodes later still watching it. Maybe I should change back to Desperate Housewives or read Divergent... yeah Divergent sounds amazing actually.

xoxo

See how this goes

So tomorrow will be the start of something new. Believe it or not there is this little (actually life changing) this called Keto and this chick is giving it a try. It is pretty much cutting out Carbs (not totally but most of the way) and eating tons of Fats and Protein. Because I decided to give this a try I am eating meat once more, which will make me eat better it itself because I've been beyond lazy and haven't been cooking any fish. On top of the Keto eating, (which isn't a diet it is a change of way as they always say), I will be working out HARD CORE. Well, hard core for a girl. I will be ordering myself this little log book thing that is super cute and getting a solid work out bag for my birthday so that I have no choice but to go right after school and after church and whenever. On the down side, I have to work today which I am dreading so much. If it wasn't for my stupid work studies class I would not be in retail anymore because it is a big pain - in - the - ass. People are rude and snotty and ugh. Plus, the hours and the pay suck. Hoping to take on babysitting Tuesday - Friday and make some real money for college stuff and all that jazz. I'm thinking that I will hear from my schools by the end of the week too so that I can get that under control and all settled. Now, I just need to plan another trip to California, decided where I want to go this summer with my dad and then propose a trip to my mom as well... woohoo. 

xoxo

Babbling because why not?

Sitting here starring at a blank page, dying to write something but nothing comes to mind. During the day I think of everything I want to write about - school, boys, love, and my sappy feelings and sickness - but when it actually comes time to sit down and type it out, I'm speechless. Am I a boring teenage girl with nothing to talk about but how I feel? Maybe. But hey, its my blog.

"I'll never fall in love, I'm too careful
Broken hearts, we're too young to settle in"
After the other night, I have yet to put down Air Dubai's CDs and have found myself attached to their lyrics. I know I know, I'm only a senior in high school, how can I say that I'll never get married? And I pray to God that some day I will, but right now I find myself to be incapable of dating. Yeah yeah, woe as me, and be ready because I am here to complain and be upset with my love life right now. I've had a boyfriend, one real boyfriend, and man was it the most unhealthy relationship. I mean, on my behalf I was awe struck with the fact that a guy (other than my dad) told me I was pretty and so I was hooked. Never again will I let myself become so attached to a guy, and maybe that is what causes me to freak out when I like someone. I never want to feel the way I did before, so helpless and powerless. Out of all the things I have done in my life, I know I am a strong and independent girl, so how do I balance that with a boy? And the answer is, I don't. I want someone to pull me in a kiss me like that's all they have on their mind, and tell me I'm beautiful but let's be honest, that only happens in movies, and my life is far from a movie. And who wants to be serious with a girl who is moving across the country in 6 months? No one, and I can't blame them. I don't want to become attached to anyone because I would want nothing more than to take them to California with me. I know that out there I will meet someone better than probably anyone I could meet here because they would be more accepting of the life I live. So many people here can't wrap their minds around someone being a Vegetarian, or being into meditation and spiritual hearings, and that is pretty much my life. All I want is to sit at home and watch movies, do whatever we want whenever and all the guys want to go to parties and introduce you to everyone but honestly, before you can meet all the friends you have to create a solid relationship so that no one can rock the boat other than y'all, but people don't seem to understand that here. High school relationships can just be such a joke, with everyone in your business and speaking their mind about what you should do, that is NOT a relationship. 

Anyway, it is late (or at least for me), and Bruce Almighty is almost over so I would say it's time for bed.

xoxo

I'm coming home

It feels like I just landed yesterday, but honestly it has been about 4 days. I'm not ready to go back to Georgia (home number 1) but high school won't finish itself. I did what I cam here to do, and that was college visits. I went to San Francisco State (LOVED), then San Jose (HATED) and Sonoma and Fresno.

So many people are afraid to leave home after high school; they will choose colleges near by and close to home but not me. Why wouldn't you want to get as far away from everyone as fast as you can? Maybe I'm bitter about high school because I didn't have the best friends, or best grades, but wouldn't you want to meet new people and not constantly run into everyone you know? I want to be able to create a new me when I go to college and not have people constantly making me feel like I can't change. Maybe I'm more accepting to such a big change (like moving across the country for college) because I did it last year for 6 months, or maybe because I just have this constant fascination with completely changing my life around, and because of that I will probably not find myself having a stable boyfriend all that often (which is okay with me).

But for now, Hope if waiting for me and since I don't have my car here I get to whip around in my dads BMW, what more could a girl ask for?

Xoxo