Nothing but a heartbreak

Today was just another day, I was sitting in math and finishing some homework and decided to check my e-mail and there it was. Personally, I didn't know how to respond to it but my heart sure did. The tears filled up in my eyes and it took all of me to hold them back. I just don't understand how a father can keep his only daughter in the dark about a marriage proposal. Okay yeah, I get it, maybe you didn't know exactly when you were going to do it but wow you don't just bring a ring on a trip without clearly knowing you will be doing it within that week. Words can't even describe how I feel. A group e-mail was my way of finding out that I will have a step mom in the next year. Don't get me wrong, I love her and she is so wonderful but the matter of fact is that I DID NOT KNOW. It isn't like my dad and I haven't talked about this happening, we talked about it very often, so maybe that's why it hurt so much. And the feeling that he told my soon-to-be step brother first makes my stomach sick, but I won't know until the end of the week since ya know he has no cell service in Mexico and I don't plan on being very thorough with my e-mails to him. How about this dad, when I get accepted to college, I won't tell you right away and then, I will tell you in an e-mail. Granted, it isn't as big of news as yours but it'll just give you some indication of how I fell right about now. And to make matters worse, I had no one to call so I called my mom, and it made me feel horrible for having to tell her about this 1) over the phone and 2) while she still has the rest of the day at work. But I couldn't call my brothers for different reasons and then of course I can't call my dad for reasons which are already clear. But I needed someone to talk to other than my cat because that would just bring about phycological problems. I know I will get over it eventually, and it is probably best that I can't talk to my dad. I don't want to be the bitchy daughter who sucks all the fun out of the engagement but I also have 0 intentions of putting my feelings aside when they are so clearly hurt. So, to find a happy balance I must give it some time for all my anger and betrayal feelings to go away so that I can figure out why I am actually so distraught about this. Maybe it is because I am fearful of loosing time with my dad once more. Before he and my mom separated, we never spent any time together and I remember he telling me how much more time we were going to spend together because he wasn't going to coach football anymore and he would have time to spend with me and well that lasted like a couple months. Then he started dating Robin and here we are now. I get that I am getting older but dammit that doesn't mean I don't want to go out shopping with my dad without him pointing out things he could buy Robin, or eating dinner while he is texting her, this isn't a high school relationship. Only time will tell how this will all play out, at this rate I probably won't be invited to the wedding and they will just elope and let me know about it over e-mail but who knows.

xoxo

Merry Christmas, Asshole

As quoted above from the infamous How I Met Your Mother, Merry Christmas. I do understand that Christmas was 2 days ago but for me, it ends today. I had Christmas day at my moms, then flew across country to have the 26th with my dad, and today, the 27th, I will be ending Christmas 2013 with my friend Hope. I have received everything I asked for, since well, I didn't ask for much nor anything super expensive. I am most excited though about my new LuLu yoga matt because it is pretty bad ass with all of the sayings on it and the fact that it absorbs the sweat from my feet so I don't slip all embarrassingly on downward dog. But now, I have all this money and yes it is burning a hole in my pocket. My struggle though, is that I do have to bring back anything I buy and honestly my carry on is already packed full (what can I say? Being a girl is hard stuff when packing). And of course, I forgot deodorant and a belt in order to squeeze in my last pair of shoes that I so desperately had to bring.

But I do hope that you all had a wonderful holiday, Christmas, or whatever you celebrate with your families. Nothing better than all coming together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ (or uh, something else if you don't believe in Him). I must finish getting ready to get this birds nest all fixed up today with my hairdresser, and pick up a belt and deodorant. 

xoxo

Until Next Time...

The beautiful, Golden Gate Bridge

Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself going back and forth between California and Georgia, but look at me now. Currently on the flight home and not yet ready to leave, but high school won't finish itself. My life in California definitely has me way more mesmerized than Georgia, it is way more surreal and movie - like than the 'ol south. I grew up in Georgia but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't long for a city life and streets filled with hippies. Of course, some things people categorize with San Francisco aren't true, but you'll find that anywhere you go My mom lives in Georgia and my dad in California, hence why I go back and forth. I spent 6 months in San Francisco last year, and came back to the south for some reason beyond me (well, it was for my mom mostly, it's hard not having her next to me everyday). Its not that I regret my choice to move back, but if I could change my mind, I would. Granted I have made a couple good friends and have a solid job and grades right now, but it isn't anything that I couldn't have obtained in California. On the bright side, I will be going back for college because why not get as far away from people as I can? I have dreams for my college life and it does not include running into anyone from school.

It won't be long until I'm back at my 2nd home; just next month I will be making this trip once more. It is a long an exhausting flight, but any time spent out here is time not wasted.

Until next time, xoxo