Merry Christmas, Asshole

As quoted above from the infamous How I Met Your Mother, Merry Christmas. I do understand that Christmas was 2 days ago but for me, it ends today. I had Christmas day at my moms, then flew across country to have the 26th with my dad, and today, the 27th, I will be ending Christmas 2013 with my friend Hope. I have received everything I asked for, since well, I didn't ask for much nor anything super expensive. I am most excited though about my new LuLu yoga matt because it is pretty bad ass with all of the sayings on it and the fact that it absorbs the sweat from my feet so I don't slip all embarrassingly on downward dog. But now, I have all this money and yes it is burning a hole in my pocket. My struggle though, is that I do have to bring back anything I buy and honestly my carry on is already packed full (what can I say? Being a girl is hard stuff when packing). And of course, I forgot deodorant and a belt in order to squeeze in my last pair of shoes that I so desperately had to bring.

But I do hope that you all had a wonderful holiday, Christmas, or whatever you celebrate with your families. Nothing better than all coming together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ (or uh, something else if you don't believe in Him). I must finish getting ready to get this birds nest all fixed up today with my hairdresser, and pick up a belt and deodorant. 

xoxo

Family, but only by blood.

It's not that I don't love you, you see. Honestly, you are like my only family outside my mom, dad, and brothers but I need you to give me space when you come here. I know you love me and I know you treat me well but I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS ANYMORE. You are NOT my mother, you are NOT an authority over me and jeeze STOP REPEATING YOURSELF. Not every time I talk, I'm talking to you and not everything I say should be heard by you. It's not that you are doing something wrong because I know, you can't change yourself and what not but honestly just listen to what you say and try being someone who is around you. Stop being sassy and rude to people at the mall, and thinking you are better than them because news flash: YOU AREN'T.

I did what you said

I know I'm doing something wrong. Do you ever get that feeling? I can sit around and "know" all I want, but honestly I just haven't had the time or energy to figure it out. I've made amends with the people I wanted, and I feel good about it. Those friendships will never be what they were, but I'm not upset about that because the time I got to spend with those people. One thing I won't do though, is let someone get to me with things they say because they are too little to hear me out. You said you wanted an apology, well what do you think I want to talk to you about? I'm understanding, and forgiving, and try my best to do the right thing, the problem is that I don't do it fast enough for people. I take time, and I make sure I take all the time I need so that I can figure out what I'm going to say and what I want from the conversation I'm going to have. 

Anyway, I'm fixing things because soon, I'm going to be gone and I don't plan on looking back much. I don't want to leave things a train wreck incase I ever find myself back next to you, I want things to just be normal feeling; not like our friendship before but you should be able to talk to me. Maybe I'm selfish, needy, sassy and misunderstood, but hell, so is half of America. 

I know I'm a good person, but I'm human and like any humans, I make plenty of mistakes. 

Say what you want

As much as I just want to sit here and say everything I've ever wanted to about you, I'm not going to because I never have. Never in the period of our friendship have I ever said anything back about you to anyone, and yes, I want to tell you all the wonderful things I've said and all the times I've stood up for you but honestly you don't deserve it right now. I love you, and yeah, I can be a bitch but I own up to it and never once have I totally flipped out on you. Maybe our definition of "best friends" is different but I thought I could come to you and tell you anything about anyone because you can do that with me. I'm not going to say I was totally wrong, but I guess you took it to heart since you have the same things in common with her. For about 10 minutes I was beyond upset, not sure what to do and unsure of what to say, but I've figured it out. You can send me all the mean things you want (well, you can't anymore), but I know myself better than you will ever know me. Try and tell me I need counseling, and that I'm the problem in all my friendships but honestly, I know when and what I've done wrong in my life. I'm a good person and do my best to be a great friend. You can't drag me down because something is bothering you because I am strong enough to pull myself back up. And yeah, maybe I don't have many friends but look at me, I'm totally comfortable with my life. So seldom do I ever complain about my lack of friendships so you can't try and throw that at me. And yes, I have had counseling, but I'm way beyond that and the fact that you suggested it to me says more about you. 

I can't stop you from what you do, what you say and who you hang out with, but I can stop you from saying the things you did. Not that I hope you plan to, but you can not contact me for a while. I have issues, and I am well aware of mine, but you just avoid yours by hooking up and being reckless. Being a teenager is no excuse because I know many of teenagers and they aren't like you. Stop making excuses and stop trying to "make me a better person" because you don't know what I need and honestly, I don't think you even know what you need.

Babbling because why not?

Sitting here starring at a blank page, dying to write something but nothing comes to mind. During the day I think of everything I want to write about - school, boys, love, and my sappy feelings and sickness - but when it actually comes time to sit down and type it out, I'm speechless. Am I a boring teenage girl with nothing to talk about but how I feel? Maybe. But hey, its my blog.

"I'll never fall in love, I'm too careful
Broken hearts, we're too young to settle in"
After the other night, I have yet to put down Air Dubai's CDs and have found myself attached to their lyrics. I know I know, I'm only a senior in high school, how can I say that I'll never get married? And I pray to God that some day I will, but right now I find myself to be incapable of dating. Yeah yeah, woe as me, and be ready because I am here to complain and be upset with my love life right now. I've had a boyfriend, one real boyfriend, and man was it the most unhealthy relationship. I mean, on my behalf I was awe struck with the fact that a guy (other than my dad) told me I was pretty and so I was hooked. Never again will I let myself become so attached to a guy, and maybe that is what causes me to freak out when I like someone. I never want to feel the way I did before, so helpless and powerless. Out of all the things I have done in my life, I know I am a strong and independent girl, so how do I balance that with a boy? And the answer is, I don't. I want someone to pull me in a kiss me like that's all they have on their mind, and tell me I'm beautiful but let's be honest, that only happens in movies, and my life is far from a movie. And who wants to be serious with a girl who is moving across the country in 6 months? No one, and I can't blame them. I don't want to become attached to anyone because I would want nothing more than to take them to California with me. I know that out there I will meet someone better than probably anyone I could meet here because they would be more accepting of the life I live. So many people here can't wrap their minds around someone being a Vegetarian, or being into meditation and spiritual hearings, and that is pretty much my life. All I want is to sit at home and watch movies, do whatever we want whenever and all the guys want to go to parties and introduce you to everyone but honestly, before you can meet all the friends you have to create a solid relationship so that no one can rock the boat other than y'all, but people don't seem to understand that here. High school relationships can just be such a joke, with everyone in your business and speaking their mind about what you should do, that is NOT a relationship. 

Anyway, it is late (or at least for me), and Bruce Almighty is almost over so I would say it's time for bed.

xoxo

Talk about a night

I am a huge concert addict. I'll see pretty much anyone, even if I don't know them. Last night was my first time at the Masquerade (now my favorite venue), and I ended up having a really great night. I went with Karli who loves Jake Miller like, 1000x more than I do but I tagged along. Air Dubai and Action Item opened for him, and they were actually better than him. Action Item came outside when we were all waiting in line and introduced themselves to everyone there, it was the cutest thing ever. One of the guys actually remembered me hours later when I went to buy some CDs after the show and I think that was just really cool since most people just meet you and let it go in one ear and out the other. When Air Dubai came out, I was right in front of the cutest guitar/piano player I have seen in my life, and what are the chances we have the same name. I didn't think anything of it and I tweeted the band about him and they actually replied, and after the show when I went back to the CDs (both opening bands were there) they knew who I was. I was rather embarrassed for a few seconds and then realized that I will probably never see them again so what ever. I took a picture with him and then bought all 3 of their CDs because they were only 5 bucks a piece and I may not find them anywhere else. Just after that we went and waited in the VIP line to meet Jake Miller, which was such a waste of money. You only got like 5 seconds to walk up, get 1 photo, and then leave. It was the furthest thing from a meet and greet. Also, I decided I wanted to buy one of his T-Shirts but he didn't even take credit cards, and who carries cash? I planned on telling hi when I went to "meet and greet" but since I had no time I just kept my mouth shut. I was so disappointed in how he handled he meet and greet because if I knew it was going to be that lame, I would NOT have paid the extra like 25$ for it. But whatever, its over now. I am definitely not complaining since I had such a wonderful time talking to the opening bands and hearing their music. 

Jake Miller

Taylor from Air Dubai

Action Item

Promotional momentaraly

https://www.etsy.com/shop/Cuties4TheCutie

Cheaters never prosper…

Or so they say, but if that's so true then why do I feel like the cheaters will end up with a higher GPA then me. After high school, justice will never be served; they ail not get any punishment, but instead a pat on the back for puling their C's and D's to A's and B's while pushing people down on their way up. For me at least, it'll cause distrust and friendship failures as it has before; because a cheater is a liar and who wants to be friends with a two faced bitch? Maybe my anger with cheaters stems from one individual. Maybe I'm angry because you actually began to grow on me and yeah, maybe I started to like you. We had so much in common, or so it seamed. I ignored the rumors people told me in hopes that they were just that, rumors. But hey, people prove you wrong all the time. Of all they guys I've been friends with (which is a lot), you managed to piss me off the most in the shortest period of time. They were right, you're just a no good, honey, drug induced ass hole, and I hope some day you grow out of this immaturity and get your ego under control. 
As of now, I will probably never have sympathy for cheaters - whether it's in school, relationships, work, diets, or life - there is never an excuse to take a short cut to something. 

And I hope one day you it comes back to bite you in the ass.

Until Next Time...

The beautiful, Golden Gate Bridge

Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself going back and forth between California and Georgia, but look at me now. Currently on the flight home and not yet ready to leave, but high school won't finish itself. My life in California definitely has me way more mesmerized than Georgia, it is way more surreal and movie - like than the 'ol south. I grew up in Georgia but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't long for a city life and streets filled with hippies. Of course, some things people categorize with San Francisco aren't true, but you'll find that anywhere you go My mom lives in Georgia and my dad in California, hence why I go back and forth. I spent 6 months in San Francisco last year, and came back to the south for some reason beyond me (well, it was for my mom mostly, it's hard not having her next to me everyday). Its not that I regret my choice to move back, but if I could change my mind, I would. Granted I have made a couple good friends and have a solid job and grades right now, but it isn't anything that I couldn't have obtained in California. On the bright side, I will be going back for college because why not get as far away from people as I can? I have dreams for my college life and it does not include running into anyone from school.

It won't be long until I'm back at my 2nd home; just next month I will be making this trip once more. It is a long an exhausting flight, but any time spent out here is time not wasted.

Until next time, xoxo

I'm coming home

It feels like I just landed yesterday, but honestly it has been about 4 days. I'm not ready to go back to Georgia (home number 1) but high school won't finish itself. I did what I cam here to do, and that was college visits. I went to San Francisco State (LOVED), then San Jose (HATED) and Sonoma and Fresno.

So many people are afraid to leave home after high school; they will choose colleges near by and close to home but not me. Why wouldn't you want to get as far away from everyone as fast as you can? Maybe I'm bitter about high school because I didn't have the best friends, or best grades, but wouldn't you want to meet new people and not constantly run into everyone you know? I want to be able to create a new me when I go to college and not have people constantly making me feel like I can't change. Maybe I'm more accepting to such a big change (like moving across the country for college) because I did it last year for 6 months, or maybe because I just have this constant fascination with completely changing my life around, and because of that I will probably not find myself having a stable boyfriend all that often (which is okay with me).

But for now, Hope if waiting for me and since I don't have my car here I get to whip around in my dads BMW, what more could a girl ask for?

Xoxo

Opening Night

It's never easy to just spill your life into a blog; people from school could find it or people from work and then your whole reputation is ruined. I know that this whole "writing your feeling" thing is healthy and can help me grow as a write and I guess with that I accept anything that can come along with it.

I may not seem any different than the other millions of high school girls, but you'll come to find my life is a little different. Of course, I can't give it all away in the first post. I come with baggage and emotional problems but I have learned how to love everyone, accept people for who they are, live my life how I want to, and not take any shit from anyone.