All over

So today was my last day ever of high school and sweet baby jesus I am so done! I've been thinking back over the past couple of years and everything that has molded me into who I am today and honestly don't regret things I have done, but wish I did let myself go a little more often. I guess the few times that I did let my hair down things went wrong, and so it made me feel as though I can't be that type of girl. This summer will be different though; I want to experience new things and maybe go a little out of my comfort zone sometimes. It has to be good for the soul to branch out, right? Even if I make some rather risky choices, they will be good learning experiences so that I can have myself under control in college. I don't want another boring summer, I have plenty of those under my belt. I just need to keep myself busy and do things that are actually fun instead of sitting at home all day every day eating more than my body can handle. I will spend some time reading in my eno and hanging out with the people that make my soul happy before going out to California. 

Here's to a crazy fun filled summer

xx

Lately it has been going

So the other day I went to the PrOoOoM and it was actually pretty good. I went with an old friend and we had a pretty good time. Getting dressed up was kind of fun, I'm not a heavy make-up wearing kind of girl. My dress started to fall and through the night I began to hate it. I did enjoy a couple of the pictures, they turned out really good. And seeing Neighbors was like the best decision of the night. I have been stressing just a little bit because of a new crush that I wish would just go away right...about...now. But boys must be the least of my worries since it never ends up working out anyway. Can't take anymore broken hearts and months spent wondering what I did wrong. I am strong enough to be on my own and don't need to be in any type of anything. Just going to spend the summer working on myself (both physical and emotional) and work work work. Also, do some crazy stuff with Kar before she leaves forever to go to Tech. 

So, summer goals to end this:

• independence
• intelligence
• financial stability
• cute face
• cute butt
• a little scary

xx

Trying Something New

So today I decided to try and become part of Seventeen Magazines Social group. I figured why not since I love fashion, social networking, and throwing my opinion out there into the open. My job in retail has shown me that I do truly love fashion and everything that it can say about a person, and I hate working in retail. Maybe it is just my job and my work that treats me as though I am worthless, but I know that I am a powerful and encouraging sales girl and make each of my costumers feel beautiful and flawless. 

On the bright side though, I do get to buy awesome clothes and put together super fun and happy outfits. Here is the OOTD; dElia*s Floral Pants and Forever 21 Pearl Beaded Tank

Starting to Make Changes

Lately I've been thinking of what I want and who I want to be and wow is there a lot of things I need to work on. I want to be a fun person, not have fear about alcohol and parties and meeting new people. I want to go out and do teenage things, kiss boys, go on dates, make friends, take day trips. I don't want to feel like an adult, like I feel now. I want to get in trouble for staying out past curfew and wear risky outfits that make me feel happy. I want to have a lot of friends and always something to do on a friday night. I want my mom to be glad that I'm not always home and let me go out and do whatever. So many things that are currently unchangeable due to my circumstances and must wait until college but I am so impatient. Some things will need to be changed now, and here I am working on them. 

Finally it's over

     So the time has come when the yearbook is pretty much done, THANK GOD. I don't know if I could have taken it any longer. Although there are still a couple pages left, I know nothing about them so I can't possibly finish them; plus, I finished a solid 11 spreads yesterday. 
     On the brighter side, I sent in my housing contract today! I am trying to get into the FIG housing which would be the best and most amazing thing ever, but I am also looking at the FYE as my back up, if they let me even put in a back up. The interesting thing is that they don't have us choose a roommate or even roommate search, they just pair us up. I kind of like that though because then I won't be in a rush to find someone and hope that they will fit well with me you know?
     I have been eating like a big pile of crap so I can't even feel my stomach it hurts so bad. Maybe I will go make a sandwich and that'll make me feel better.

xx

So, I've Committed

This is it! I have committed to Sonoma State University in Nor Cal. I could not be more excited about making the beautiful wine country my new home! I am paying my dues today and will hopefully get my housing contract on Friday so that I can get a place that I like. I am very nervous about possible roommates being kind of weird but Sonoma is no Georgia Southern so hopefully most of the people that go there will be down to earth and laid back. As long as I have a place with my own room and bathroom though, I will be A OK. 

I have to make my way back to the lady doctor for a lower abdominal ultrasound... I am so excited (said no one ever). The good news is that I hopefully don't work at all this week and I can actually rest and stay off my feet, except when I am working out. I leave for California super soon and I am going to color my hair lighter, visit Sonoma, and see an old friend or two. Time off is exactly what I need right now after so much school work and work work. My 8 hour shift Saturday absolutely killed me, but I am recovering other than the fact that I am completely not reacting to my birth control.

For now I am watching Bates Motel and I am telling you now it is rather f'ed up. It is rather mind boggling and makes you feel super weird about things yet here I am like 4 episodes later still watching it. Maybe I should change back to Desperate Housewives or read Divergent... yeah Divergent sounds amazing actually.

xoxo

Good dayz... hooray

Today was a solid 9. I wasn't too exhausted this morning, I did amazing on my math quiz, decided by Plan B for college and had an amazing time at the gym. I did my work out that I found online; it's just a couple different ab exercises followed by cardio. Since I can not seem to find my running shoes, I did the "ski machine" or whatever it is, I call it hell. That thing is KILLER. I could honestly only do a solid 6 minutes on it and then I thought I was going to die; this was probably because I did a ton of squats before it and that is what I plan to blame it on, haha. Also, some cutie pie boys were at the gym today, although they did not look at me since I look like a hot mess, but that is okay since one day I will be a solid rock of hot body and it'll be okay. I ate pretty well today too, not too carb heavy, except for the awesome pop corn I am eating now but it's okay because it's gluten free. 

Well, this lucky chick has word at 5 and I smell like post-gym, blech. Gotta get my pretty on and sell my booty off.

xx

Back at it

Such a beautiful day outside today that I can't help but be in the best mood ever. My mom finally comes home today too! It has only been a weekend but I sure do miss her. I spent my weekend at my brothers house with him and Morgan and of course their pup LadyBug. Worked a solid 15 hours this weekend which is more than usual and I also got moved to FaShIoNiStA say whaaaaat. I'm so excited!! It adds some pressure for sure with the fact that my sales have to be on point but hey, I'm an Ooley and selling is in our blood. I've calmed down a bit about the whole "still not accepted to SFSU yet" thing and actually called about my ELM test scores since it has been a week since I have taken it and they haven't gotten back to me and turns out they won't be out until April 7.... talk about STRESS. I'm just nervous as to weather or not I "passed." Also regarding college, I think I have decided against my Journalism minor. May or may not want to go into something with fashion but of course none of the colleges I have been accepted to offer any type of fashion program so I will just have to remain in retail and move up in different areas as best I can.

Well, MOM JUST DROVE UP. GTG.

xx

Sittin, Waitin, Drinkin

Nothing seems to happen as time passes and lately I've been noticing all the wonders happening in other people's lives. Like my enemies getting into their dream colleges, or my ex's making a come back with a beautiful new girl while I sit here eating raw cookie dough. Recently, everything has been so uneventful. I have 0 trips planned, 0 boys I like, and 0 colleges (well, just my dream one) accepting me; so, I sit here. I've been stressing out about the whole yearbook not getting finished, and haven't done anything but work work work. I know I'm not falling behind, I'm just not where other people are and comparing myself to them will only make me feel worse about myself. It won't be long until I'm accepted to college and making plans, and this is only a minor rest time in my future planning.

I'll be okay. I am okay.

xx

Progress, Woop woop

So it has been about 2 months now that I have been working out some - what steady. Granted, I haven't seen as much progress as I want but I know it takes time. I am now getting more stern in my eating and what not and making sure that I am definitely making it to the gym almost every day of the week, with the exception of a day off every couple weeks to help my body recoup. Any who, I just figured I would post at least one photo of some progress, although I forgot to take a before picture. I know will make this my before and check again next month. I'm not anywhere near where I want but I have definitely noticed my stomach getting flatter and now I plan to focus on my back for a little bit.

Hope everyone is enjoying their beautiful Monday
xx

Oh the joys

Sitting around thinking about how I really want some food, but realizing that there are more thing to be excited about and interested in than "what's for dinner". Granted, my mind doesn't change right away and I'm still here wondering what flavor-filled foods will be for dinner. 

On another note, some interesting conversations were over head in the hall today and one of them just needs to be cleared up and hopefully it'll spread: TAKING BIRTH CONTROL DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAIN WEIGHT OR BREAK OUT. Such myths. People just say that because, well, I'm not really sure. I think they do to try and make it sound unappealing when really it is just a personal choice and thousands of women take it. Also, women do not only take it to prevent pregnancy; birth control can help with:

• Acne
• Painful periods
• Ovarian Cysts
• Life-threatening diseases

And SO MUCH MORE. Not every girl taking "the pill" is a slut, skank, or whatever you want to call them. Believe it or not, the lesser strength birth control can not even prevent pregnancy, just helps regulate the body.

So, a little lesson on birth control by yours truly,

xoxo

Changes shouldn't be made

While everyone is enjoying their Super Bowl games I'm enjoying Desperate Houswives and some self pampering. Nails are now painted and soon hair will be done for tomorrow. Over the weekend I have realized that I miss my old life, and by that I mean the times when I had friends to hang out with an boys to crush on. Now I seldom socialize and boys are totally out of the picture. So what do I need to change? Pretty much everything. Maybe it is the combination of absent self confidence and lack of social skills which both seemed to have vanished over the past year or so. I guess it could also stem from the failed relationships and failed attempts at a relationship and the multiple failed friendships. It used to all come so natural and now here I am spending every weekend alone and turning down to 1 or 2 friends that DO ask me to do something. So here are the 2 things I will try to change that I will attempt to be making:

1. Just say yes. I will not be allowing myself to say "no" every time to every thing. Even if I may not be in the mood for it I should just go do something with someone. That is the only way I will be making friends because sitting in my house on tumblr isn't really working. Granted, I won't be saying yes every time because we all know I love time alone and time to sleep.

2. Wear actual clothes to school. Maybe, just maybe, if I don't look like a homeless depressed bum people at school will talk to me. I have given up all attempt at looking descent over the past couple weeks and the few people that I did talk to at school, have distanced themselves. Now I don't think this is purposeful but it happens for sure and so if I put on a pair of jeans and an OK blouse then I hope to make some progress.

I guess its all stressing me out now because my mom is on my back about a boyfriend and let's be honest, after the last guy I dated I probably shouldn't be allowed to date anymore. Since my mom is in the dark about all that jazz, she is constantly pushing me into guys and awkwardly making moves for me which I should be able to do on my own. I don't need a wing man here.

xoxo

Say hey, it's a snow day

As excited as everyone is about the snow, I find myself not on their level. Not much about my day differs from there being snow outside except the fact that the mall closed early so even if I got called in I didn't have to work, so that was a plus. While everyone was out playing in the snow taking pictures with their BFFs I took my kitten out to play for the first time in snow and she loved/hated it but she was cute and that is all that matters. And the fact that we don't have school tomorrow is eh, I'll just sit here and waste yet another night and push my homework of to tomorrow.. like I always do anyway. With my down time I have been looking at things I would want for my birthday. I already ordered part 1 of my gift from my dad and now looking for a part 2 is so hard, I mean choosing the duffel was painful enough. I would love nothing more than a shopping spree but we all know dad and he hates how much I shop in the first place so he would never feed the so called "addiction".

Meanwhile, I am texting my stepmom and I brought up the wedding and she asks me for my ideas and next thing I'm sending her like a layout of my ideas. I'm pretty sure I have put a ton more thought into this then she has at all. I have dress ideas, venues, colors, EVERYTHING.

I guess for the night I will watch Hart of Dixie, PLL, and do yearbook stuff. Yay for the life of an editor.

xoxo

Funny thing about that

To have your mother send out a mass text to 20 people about senior letters was to be expected. God forbid you didn't get as many letters are someone else, so instead you will beg for them. Not only are you asking way in advance but you are sending out a bragging text that fails to mention your failed friendships, incapability to forgive, the fact that your dad did most of your projects, and many other things. Also, the fact that it says you are "graduating with honors" you aren't even on the honor roll with the top 120 students but little does any one else know that. For your sake, you should just be glad that I am not walking at graduation otherwise some very rude words would be yelled after your name.

xoxo

Nothing but a heartbreak

Today was just another day, I was sitting in math and finishing some homework and decided to check my e-mail and there it was. Personally, I didn't know how to respond to it but my heart sure did. The tears filled up in my eyes and it took all of me to hold them back. I just don't understand how a father can keep his only daughter in the dark about a marriage proposal. Okay yeah, I get it, maybe you didn't know exactly when you were going to do it but wow you don't just bring a ring on a trip without clearly knowing you will be doing it within that week. Words can't even describe how I feel. A group e-mail was my way of finding out that I will have a step mom in the next year. Don't get me wrong, I love her and she is so wonderful but the matter of fact is that I DID NOT KNOW. It isn't like my dad and I haven't talked about this happening, we talked about it very often, so maybe that's why it hurt so much. And the feeling that he told my soon-to-be step brother first makes my stomach sick, but I won't know until the end of the week since ya know he has no cell service in Mexico and I don't plan on being very thorough with my e-mails to him. How about this dad, when I get accepted to college, I won't tell you right away and then, I will tell you in an e-mail. Granted, it isn't as big of news as yours but it'll just give you some indication of how I fell right about now. And to make matters worse, I had no one to call so I called my mom, and it made me feel horrible for having to tell her about this 1) over the phone and 2) while she still has the rest of the day at work. But I couldn't call my brothers for different reasons and then of course I can't call my dad for reasons which are already clear. But I needed someone to talk to other than my cat because that would just bring about phycological problems. I know I will get over it eventually, and it is probably best that I can't talk to my dad. I don't want to be the bitchy daughter who sucks all the fun out of the engagement but I also have 0 intentions of putting my feelings aside when they are so clearly hurt. So, to find a happy balance I must give it some time for all my anger and betrayal feelings to go away so that I can figure out why I am actually so distraught about this. Maybe it is because I am fearful of loosing time with my dad once more. Before he and my mom separated, we never spent any time together and I remember he telling me how much more time we were going to spend together because he wasn't going to coach football anymore and he would have time to spend with me and well that lasted like a couple months. Then he started dating Robin and here we are now. I get that I am getting older but dammit that doesn't mean I don't want to go out shopping with my dad without him pointing out things he could buy Robin, or eating dinner while he is texting her, this isn't a high school relationship. Only time will tell how this will all play out, at this rate I probably won't be invited to the wedding and they will just elope and let me know about it over e-mail but who knows.

xoxo

See how this goes

So tomorrow will be the start of something new. Believe it or not there is this little (actually life changing) this called Keto and this chick is giving it a try. It is pretty much cutting out Carbs (not totally but most of the way) and eating tons of Fats and Protein. Because I decided to give this a try I am eating meat once more, which will make me eat better it itself because I've been beyond lazy and haven't been cooking any fish. On top of the Keto eating, (which isn't a diet it is a change of way as they always say), I will be working out HARD CORE. Well, hard core for a girl. I will be ordering myself this little log book thing that is super cute and getting a solid work out bag for my birthday so that I have no choice but to go right after school and after church and whenever. On the down side, I have to work today which I am dreading so much. If it wasn't for my stupid work studies class I would not be in retail anymore because it is a big pain - in - the - ass. People are rude and snotty and ugh. Plus, the hours and the pay suck. Hoping to take on babysitting Tuesday - Friday and make some real money for college stuff and all that jazz. I'm thinking that I will hear from my schools by the end of the week too so that I can get that under control and all settled. Now, I just need to plan another trip to California, decided where I want to go this summer with my dad and then propose a trip to my mom as well... woohoo. 

xoxo